letting go
by kamadi
Summary: Sometimes letting go is all you can do. Warning deathdark ficviolence. Only read when you are in a very dark mood.


Letting go

Author: kamadixu

-mail: Nope, sorry just this one part.

Personal: I would appreciate it if you could give me R&R, critique is welcome, tomatoes are not . I hope that the story isn't filled with grammar faults, English is not my native language so I apologise for any mistakes.

Pairing: Gil?

Summary: sometimes letting go is all you can do

Season: after Sara enters the show.

Warning: This story is a death fic, and a dark one for that matter….Just remember I warned you

Archive: of course, if you want to (just tell me where, so I can visit)

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. I'm not making money out of this, it's purely for entertainment!

Letting go

Sometimes Grissom had the urge to let go. To let reality for what it was and just feel. The problem with this was that he usually didn't let go in a good way. Because when he did let himself go a dark part of him came forward and did things the normal Grissom didn't do.

And right now the normal Grissom was staring at the person next to him in bed, a person who was curled up on the side of the bed as far from Grissom as possible. Blood could be seen on the shivering figure as well as on the sheets.

Reaching out, Grissom slowly touched the shivering shoulder and ignoring the sudden tension in the body pulled the figure towards him, while at the same time turning the body so that he could look into the face, avoiding the eyes. The face that was streaked with tears and fresh blood that came welling from a cut on the forehead as well as a split lip.

Gradually Grissom lifted his hands still ignoring the shivers that run thru the other, and touched the blue marks on the side of the face and on the throat.

"I'm sorry" he said in a low voice. "I know it doesn't mean anything to you right now, but I am truly sorry. I…I can't undo it even if everything in me wished I could." To emphasize his words his hand reached for the nightstand to grab a key that was lying there and, taking the other ones hands, undid the cuffs that encircled the wrists. Pulling the cuffs away he winced at the sight of the cuts that had been left behind as well as a steady trickle of blood that was coming from them.

Except for the shivering there was still no response and after finding the courage to look into the eyes Grissom felt cold. The eyes that were normally full of life, shining like the sun were now dead. Grissom could see it, he may not have killed the body in his bed but the mind of this radiant person; that he had killed, and now there was only an empty shell.

"No," Grissom moaned, this could not be happening it wasn't supposed to go this way. What could he do, how could he make things right. Looking around his room trying to find answers that could not be there, his eyes landed on a heap of clothes that were shredded into pieces and on top of that Grissom could see the glint of metal.

Standing up in trance he walked towards it. Feeling like a moth to a flame he picked up the gun that was lying there.

**Let go** a voice whispered in his mind, **let everything go and just feel **

Nodding to himself Grissom checked the gun….all the bullets where present. Walking towards the bed again he let his eyes drift over the figure in bed. Letting his eyes taking one last look: impossible long legs, narrow hips, flat stomach long fingers, and finally the face with it's mouth that had been made to kiss and be kissed, the strong jaws, soft hair that begged to be touched. Grissom stood there taking it all in, almost deciding against the decision that he had made…that was until his gaze met the eyes………….those eyes that had been filled with fire but were now vacant.

'No', Grissom knew he had made the right decision. Climbing back in bed with the gun in his hand he arranged the two of them so that it looked like a lovers embrace with him on top. His leg draped around the other ones legs, his free arm around the waist.

Kissing the lips beneath him for one last time, he whispered again. "I'm sorry" before he slowly raised the gun to the other ones head, closed his eyes and pulled the trigger. Not opening his eyes he then brought the gun to his own temple saying for the last time: 'I'm so sorry for what I did when I lived, but I swear to you I will protect you in death… I'm sorry for letting go before but letting go this time will stop the pain I caused you, Nicky."

And with those words he let go of the trigger, falling dead on Nicks body.

And that is how they were found an hour later by Catherine Willows, Sara Sidle and Jim Brass. A neighbour had heard the shots and called the police. Evidence did not lie; the research that they did indicated that the two men had lived with each other for quite some time and that for some reason Grissom had raped Nick, then killed him and finally himself. There was no note, or an explanation so after a while the team simply let it go………

Fin……..I warned you all that this wasn't a happy story


End file.
